Cheers!

This is high on health.

Thursday night, company leadership dinner & drinks in Prague

I received this text message Thursday night (technically, Friday 12:45 am). It reads in English (loosely translated to reflect tonality), “Hey buddy - so, next time around - we will party more than this time in Prague!! Hope you are doing well! Only saw you from distance… unfortunately… Maybe catch each other tomorrow! Best, [deleted]”. ¹

The person who sent me that text probably didn't know the impact of their message. However, the timing couldn't have been better.

I recently found myself in a mentally unbalanced state. As is often the case with such situations, it's hard to tell what came first, what caused what, and how I ended up in such a bad place. In my case, it's been a downward spiral of chronic lower back pain that has flared up badly again, work responsibilities that demand a lot of attention, a busy family life, my personal projects, and so on.

Does this sound familiar? If so, keep reading.

From Berlin to Hamburg to Prague to Berlin to Michaelsdorf - my mental health journey this week

“I traveled far and wide and laid this head in many ports”² :

I began my week in Berlin and had a wonderful dinner with some clients and a close colleague (who's more of a friend from work) in Hamburg. Then, I traveled to Prague, where we had our regional leadership meeting. After briefly returning to Berlin on Friday, I picked up my bag and headed to our holiday home on the Baltic Sea to spend some time alone over the weekend.

Triggered by the above text message and other events I will share, I used the time alone for some deep reflection and taking stock of my inner workings. In hope this will help some of you, I decided to share this in this week’s edition. The notepad had several busy pages to capture my thoughts, doubts, concerns, reflections, hopes, promises, guilty feelings, etc., and this is the attempt to structure it.³

My back has been giving me a hard time since my competitive sports days. And for the last six weeks, it’s been particularly bad. By now, I’m not sure anymore that there is a real “bodily” issue. Sure, there is some wear and tear, given all the crazy stuff I have done to my body (#wrestlinglife #butdidyoudie). But to be honest, my back is very much the window to my proverbial soul, aka mental health.

This week helped me to clear up a few things, emotionally re-order my inner world, and reach an emotional state that allows me to be more open to putting stuff in perspective again. I’m sure my back will improve as a side-effect.

Berlin

I’m blessed with three kids. Yes, they can be a fucking nightmare, cause mayhem and let chaos reign. But a) that’s their job, and b) it’s usually only my own ego or perspective of a perfect ideal they must meet and the standard they should adhere to. They don’t give a shit. And they are right. Soon they will grow up and learn about the world’s sucker punches.

The fact of the matter is, the unconditional love I’m getting each evening when I manage to come home before their bedtime and they run up to me, wrap around my legs and yell “Papa, Papa”… Seriously, this shit is real. No matter how tough your day was, this warm, fuzzy feeling… I swear, sometimes I have sweat in my eyes.

Hamburg

I’m spending a lot of time at work. Many of us do. I actually enjoy it. I value that I can spend time with coworkers who keep me honest, who call out my bullshit, and who challenge me when there’s a need.

I traveled with one of such individuals to Hamburg this week. Over the years, our relationship has not been without its tests. Having said that, we have way more highlights than anything else. I’m very grateful for that.

Prague

I have a questionable reputation when it comes to going out. I’m known to be the difference between “This was a nice evening. So much fun.” and “Last night was a movie.” I’m not particularly proud of that but what can I do.

I was not having it when I arrived. I was looking forward to meeting many dear colleagues and reconnecting. Everything was great, but like I said above, I have been off balance recently. So, I went to bed by 11:00 pm.

Two things happened that served as the slap in the face I needed: One was the text message above. This came from a very senior person I’ve known for over five years. He didn’t have to write me that message. There was no need. He just cared and wanted to let me know. So powerful. Next was an interaction with another colleague, with whom I will have dinner on Monday. He approached me to check in on our joint plans and that he is very much looking forward to it. It felt very honest and authentic. Trust me when I tell you, he could do a thousand other things. Again, small act but huge impact on me.

True leadership very often doesn’t require acting like the big boy. Caring when someone is not expecting it is very high on my list.

Michaelsdorf

I’m spending a weekend alone at our holiday home. Erna (my wife) made this possible by caring for the kids. Maybe she felt that I reached the end of a road and need to find my way again.

I’m deeply grateful for that. She has more than a busy life herself and at times I don’t know how she is handling it. This weekend is a huge privilege, and my responsibility to make the most of it.

BTW, next weekend will be Erna’s birthday. We will travel to New York where we lived for some years and two of our kids are born. It will be a trip down memory lane for us. I look forward to spending time with her to reload our emotional batteries.⁴

Not giving too many shits

Do you see this shit? This is a gate to our garden at our vacation home. The right side is shorter than the left side. The guys who installed the fence and gate did that. Why not symmetrical? I have no fucking idea. It made me mad for a year.

And this? Fucking molehill. I have about three dozen of those on my lawn. In the background, you can see the auto-mower's garage. The mole is basically waving the middle finger to me and my idea of a perfectly trimmed lawn. A few weeks ago I was researching how to bring carnage even this is illegal in Germany.

Now, I don’t give a shit. I don’t care anymore.

The gate is imperfect as I am, as life is, and everybody and everything in it. I look at it and take it as a symbol for that.

The molehills? During easter break, I will flatten these things and let nature run its course. Do I want to spend my free time chasing a fucking underground creature?

Here is the thing: It’s all in my head. I’m pretty sure you can relate. Our house is amazing.⁵ Why not appreciate everything awesome? Why do I let negativity about small shit bother me?

We decided to buy this house to create memories. Core memories with our kids that they will carry with them for life. Magnus and Karla learned how to ride a bike here. Magnus learned that wood carving with your first knife can end with a scar. Tilda learned that you can collect mushrooms, and they taste fantastic. We didn’t buy this house to have a perfect lawn.

Appreciate imperfections. Appreciate the connections you build with people.

That was my wake-up moment this week. This is a cornerstone of mental health that is sometimes overlooked in the context of longevity. Many podcasts and books create the illusion that you must dial in all aspects of your life to be truly on the longevity train. Nutrition, sleep, exercise, etc. - everything is being optimized. I read all this stuff and feel guilty about not meeting the standards.

I argue you do your best and be ok with imperfections. Your mental health takes priority over your physical health. Both should support each other but not at their own hurting expense.

This week showed me how important it is to feel connected to people and truly feel appreciated by them. Also, this is on a different level compared to recognition. It’s not someone telling you how great you are. Sometimes, you may need the opposite.

Of course, the most honest and strongest connection is with our partners (and kids). This can easily be forgotten and taken for granted in the daily grind. We have to take care of each other. We need to reconnect regularly and share appreciation.

OK, so go on and live a balanced life!

I know it’s not easy.

I’m sitting here late after eating my first meal of the day: leftover fried sausages out of the freezer, french fries, and top-shelf expensive red wine. Half a bar of chocolate deep. It feels great. This is what balance sometimes looks like.

It’s ok.

Before I let you go again, thank you. I started this newsletter as a passion project. Actually, to sort my thoughts and share some of it. I hoped that some could relate and maybe take some inspiration. By now, this newsletter has enabled me to reconnect with some of you who I had lost contact, to receive ideas and help from you myself, and to bring positive energy to my week. Thank you for the encouragement to keep going. I will.

Service announcement, in case you haven’t picked it up above: I will skip next week’s edition again. Erna’s birthday weekend in NY. No snowball’s chance in hell I will find time for writing. I will be back the week after with NY stories, though.

Take care!

¹ In case anyone is anxious about handling the “party comment,” I wanted to be transparent that I work for a top-tier professional service company in the management consulting industry. Like any other company, we have leadership meetings that often include dinner and drinks. This is important for building connections, fostering bonds, and socializing. Our company works hard, and these events are not extravagant or unusual. I have never worked for a company that is more conscious about how these events can be perceived and what is acceptable behavior. My personal rule is simple: would I pass the red-face test? The answer is a resounding yes. We do like to have fun and celebrate on occasion, and I hope you do too.

² Lines from Rose Tattoo by Dropkick Murphys. One of my all-time favorite bands and companions for many years. Check it out for some real Boston vibes:

³ This edition contains explicit language. Please try not to hold it against me. That’s how I talk. As this edition is a bit closer and personal, I decided to keep it 100%. In full transparency, I sometimes even do it around kids. And while I’m at it, I want to come clean to Magnus’s teachers, too: Ms K and Ms L, Magnus has not picked up these words in public transportation, from other kids, or songs on the radio. He has those from me. I say “fuck” when three kids run around me fighting each other, while I’m on an early conference call (muted), my wife asks if I have Tilda’s dentist appointment today on my radar (which I swore to cover but didn’t even jot down), and it just starts raining like shit when I take all three kids by cargo bike to school. I’m sorry and appreciate any guidance on better summarizing the situation in the future.

⁴ If you wonder if we take our kids, hell no. Didn’t you read the part about “recharging batteries”?

⁵ Over three years, we poured our hearts into this project to remodel an almost 100-year-old village school. [Me, humble bragging] It was published in a book.

Cuckoo Block, Guido Zimmermann

This is a cuckoo clock. A more modern interpretation of the traditional version.

A cuckoo clock is a pendulum-driven clock that imitates the sound of a common cuckoo bird and has a moving automated bird that accompanies the hourly sound. The mechanism has been in use since the 18th century and has remained almost unchanged. The cuckoo clock originated in the Black Forest region of Germany and became world-famous in the mid-1850s. Today, it's a popular souvenir for travelers and has become a cultural icon of Germany.

I wrote this newsletter sitting underneath the version in the picture. Every hour the cuckoo came out of its tower block building to greet me. I love it.

Check out the artist and his work here!

DISCLAIMER: None of this (such as text, graphics, images, and other materials) is medical or health advice. This newsletter is strictly for informational, educational, and entertaining purposes only. While I’m a medical doctor and a dentist by training, I’m not your doctor. The content is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read on high on health! Please be careful and do your research.